I listened to a Baha'i podcast about forgiveness and thought I'd write a post about it because it's reeallt beautiful and I want to apply it to my life!
I'm a little funny with forgiveness. I can actually forgive pretty quickly unless the offense was long lasting then the anger starts to build and before I even know it... I'm bitter. And then it's really hard to shake the bitterness!
But here is what Abdul Baha taught:
"If some one commits an error and wrong toward you, you must instantly forgive him. Do not complain of others. Refrain from reprimanding them, and if you wish to give admonition or advice, let it be offered in such a way that it will not burden the bearer. Turn all your thoughts toward bringing joy to hearts."
In the talk I was listening to by Erica Toussaint, she talks about the concept of instant forgiveness. She defines forgiveness as "to cease to feel resentment," which is the 4th definition in the dictionary but it could be the most important part of the forgiveness process. The first three definitions are "to grant pardon for an offense", "to give up claim on", and "to grant pardon to a person". I feel like I'm ok at doing those things. I can be civil toward people that have offended me, even positively contribute, but I still feel that resentment. I'm doing the whole "If you don't forgive it's like drinking poison and expecting the offender to die" thing but it's really hard to stop! No one ever explains how to actually let it go! And maybe that's because it's too hard to articulate!
Anyway, Erica talks about a time when a Baha'i woman who was part of the local authority offended her because she called Erica into the office over a small matter and berated her in front of the other local authorities and her friends. It sounds like it was really crazy. Erica talks about how she's never been spoken to like that before. And this was from a church authority and in a church setting! Understandably, this left Erica pretty upset. But she decided to pray to Baha'u'llah to help her instantly forgive, as he teaches.
She humorously explains that after 6 weeks she instantly forgave! The next time the woman asked Erica to do something for the Baha'i community Erica describes that she was past what happened. Erica has a tendency to ask a lot of questions to make sure that she does a good job. When she began asking questions about the assignment the woman became cold and defensive. Erica immediately sensed this and calmly said "What just happened? I feel like something changed when I asked about my assignment. I just want to make sure I'm doing a good job." The woman immediately said "Ohhhhh, I am so sorry. I thought that when you asked questions you were questioning the authority of the local assembly."
So in the end it got worked out and they are good friends now but the interesting part of the story is BEFORE they came to an understanding. While it took time, Erica was able to completely forgive and be sincerely open to interacting with this woman, a woman who had authority over a very important aspect of Erica's life but who had treated her so poorly.
So I decided to instantly forgive. I have one person and one organization in my life that first came to mind that I have had bad experiences with and need to instantly forgive! Without going into too much detail- the person has a tendency to use people and has hurt some people very important to me, but because of her bubbly personality people tend to let her walk all over them. The forgiveness of the person is a pretty petty one but the organization played a big role in my life growing up, caused me a lot of pain, and has continued to cause a lot of pain. What the organization is founded on is something I love and appreciate but the people in it have caused me a great deal of pain.
The way I have decided to forgive is to basically get in the habit of "instantly" forgiving. As Erica showed... it's impossible sometimes to just let it go. She instantly forgave after six weeks! But she suggested focusing on forgiveness, praying for it, the moment the person enters your mind. Abdul Baha taught us to train our mind to focus on how to bring joy to hearts! Since I've been trying this I've found that it keeps the bitterness at bay, turns my mind toward God, and gives me the power to think about what to do with a clear mind. Instantly forgiving doesn't mean instantly letting someone walk all over you, it allows you to instantly clear your mind and decide what to do. Sometimes that still means not participating in a friendship or organization but you are making the decision from a very peaceful place instead of out of anger.
I'm loving the amount of peace the Baha'i faith has introduced me to :)
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